Plaid: The put your foot in your mouth fabric October 22 2014

The closest I can get to wearing plaid is carrying my bouclé designer handbag. I just have a hard time embracing the checkered phenomenon and yes I know it’s back in style, but I just can’t bring myself to jump on the bandwagon.


If I’m going to sport a woven textile, it’s going to be something of statement and the knobbly effect of the loopy yarn in my Iris tote is exactly the presentation I am looking for this cool weather season. Bouclé says “fancy” to me, deep and complex with both loose and tight tensions.


Once plaid got me in trouble. I demonstrated a true “put your foot in your mouth” situation the day I met my future inlaws. As my fiancé and I walked up the steps of the historic Hummelstown brownstone, he quickly mentioned his mother had a deep love for plaid, in which I looked at him and burst out about my personal disdain for the fabric,


“In my opinion, the only person who should be wearing plaid is an individual of Scottish descent.


Like some sort of ninja, his mother magically appeared in the open door, eyebrow raised, and immediately challenged me:


“Why don’t you like plaid, my dear?”


What welcomed me as I stepped across the threshold was a combination of mauve French country meets Ralph Lauren on hallucinogens. I quickly backpedaled and assured her that I loved plaid décor not clothing. Her husband descended down the staircase wearing a plaid Polo oxford.


The fiancé and I still married, but Mother (as she requested I call her) continued to out my dislike of plaid during every social engagement, including our wedding reception toast. I can see now that I tend to associate most fabrics with some sort of event or emotion. Egyptian cotton gives me luxurious chills even more so than silk. The smell and feel of wool reminds me of my grandmother’s mittens, wrapped around my hand crossing a busy street. Warmth runs over my body at the slight touch or sight of these materials, rallying a flood of stimulating emotions.


But not plaid.


Plaid makes me twitchy.


I’ll stick with bouclé, thank you very much.